Passing Thus Alone (Sherlock)

[morganstuart]

Title: Passing Thus Alone
Author: Morgan Stuart
Fandom: Sherlock
Disclaimer: This universe does not belong to me; I'm just an appreciative visitor. I make no profit from this fan work.
Description: It caught up with Sally Donovan just as late night became early morning.
Historian's Note: This character study takes place after events depicted in the second-series Sherlock episode "The Reichenbach Fall."



It caught up with her just as late night became early morning.

When Anderson wasn't nearby to give a knowing look and encouraging nod. When the nameless others who had emerged from the Yard's woodwork weren't at her elbow, ready to speed her concerns to receptive ears. When her superiors weren't before her to praise her for her vigilance.

She blinked up at a ceiling she couldn't make out through the darkness.

It was no mystery, where the cornerstones were set: weeks, months, no years of frustration due to Sherlock Holmes. He'd celebrated the violent deaths of the victims. He'd mocked their family and friends. He'd insulted her team in general and her in particular, deducing intimate details, announcing private secrets, laughing at all-too-human foibles.

And he'd belittled her boss.

Perhaps that had been the most difficult to stomach: seeing Sherlock abuse Lestrade and then force the man to crawl back for more. Then she'd watched her mentor accept reprimands and lectures rather than the commendations and promotions he deserved as he shouldered responsibility for the misbehaviour of his consulting detective. Over time she'd convinced herself that Lestrade would lose his career, if not his life, if he continued to work with the Freak.

Her resentment had simmered and bubbled over a steady heat, ready at any moment to burn.

She realized now why all of this had been so easy, so quick, a whirlwind effortless to begin and, once in motion, impossible to resist.

With her anger, she'd made herself ripe for the picking.

In her mind, she'd cast herself as the responsible professional, the conscientious officer watching her superior's back, the clever detective connecting the dots and thwarting the sneering villain. In reality, she'd been an all-too-eager pawn in some madman's game of chess.

Manipulated. Used.

Played.

Helpless, when things spiralled out of control.

Before it was all over, she'd set aside proper procedures in favour of vengeful emotions. Before it was all over, she'd voiced her accusations before gathering actionable proof. Before it was all over, she'd gone over the head of the man she most respected and become the one who put his career, his very life's work, in jeopardy.

To the Met, her actions hadn't represented a defence of Lestrade's interests, but rather a vote of no confidence in his judgment.

Of course. It seemed clear to her now that the blood-red fog had passed from her vision.

What had she been thinking? She hadn't been thinking at all.

Lestrade faced suspension, investigation, perhaps even prosecution because of the reckless steps she'd taken. The man she once believed she'd follow into the very flames of Hell she now couldn't look in the eye.

All for someone else's agenda. All for some game. All to push Sherlock off a ledge and onto the pavement.

She twisted the duvet in her fist.

None of this made the Freak any less freakish, or his feats of deduction any less suspicious, or Sally Donovan any sorrier that he was gone.

But it did make her something she'd never before been: a rubbish detective sergeant.

And that was a fall of its own, wasn't it?

God help her.


THE END

Vital Stats: Originally written in January 2012.

Originally written for this prompt at sherlockbbc_fic.

Comments

[keep-counting.livejournal.com]

Oh. This is, to put it plainly, amazing. It grabs Donovan's voice and puts it to excellent use, it is extremely in-character and realistic. I love how she still resents Sherlock, but realizes that she made a mistake - and I also like the reason you've given her for hating Sherlock so much: it's not just her own wounded pride, it's because she likes and looks up to Lestrade so much, and she doesn't really see that Lestrade like Sherlock, that there's a friendship been forming there, she only sees her boss being belittled.

Fantastic piece.

[sabrinaphynn.livejournal.com]

I must scond the comment that you have a great command of Sally's voice and her insight into her own fall, of a sort.
Very well done!

[thesmallhobbit.livejournal.com]

Yes, I like the way you've shown Donovan coming to realise the damage she's done due to her actions being based purely on emotions.

[belleferret.livejournal.com]

Poor Sally. Smart enough to recognize her mistakes, but not wise enough to stop them.

[linguini17.livejournal.com]

This.

[penfold-x.livejournal.com]

And he'd belittled her boss.

Wow. All the best villains have motivations that we can sympathize with. I hadn't thought too closely about Donovan's, but this is perfect. So well thought out! And her agony over getting the opposite result to her motivation is so sharply painful. Brilliantly done.

[linguini17.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sally. I predict lots of sleepless nights in your future.

Of all the relationships that were damaged in the final episode, I think Sally and Lestrade's was the most personally hurt. John never really expected much from Mycroft and will understand Lestrade's duties to the chain of command better than most. But Lestrade would have expected his most trusted Sergeant to have more faith in him, or at least to talk to him before going over his head. I don't see any way that they'll be able to work together again, which is a shame since the beginning of the episode showed how good a team they made.

[irisbleufic.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm glad somebody wrote a study on Donovan's actions! Thank you for that.

[bk7brokemybrain.livejournal.com]

Oh, if only this would happen. Donovan is a complex person, but she's mediocre and childish. If she'd actually have this kind of epiphany, perhaps she'd be a better person, if not a better employee. Ugh. Can't stand her. But this ficlet is great. :)

[marysutherland.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for putting Sally's side of the story and putting it so well. I think she has been unfairly painted as behaving outrageously, when she's seen Sherlock consistently showing a lack of humanity and an arrogance that makes his alleged crime seem at least vaguely plausible. Her motives may not be pure, but she's got some justification for her actions. And she goes over Lestrade's head only after Sherlock's been given and refused a chance to talk informally and clear his name.

[sc010f.livejournal.com]

Oh my. Yes. Poor Sally - its so easy and so human to make that kind of mistake not to think to just give in.

And wow... You've captured this so perfectly.

Bravissima!

[rachelindeed.livejournal.com]

That was really well done. Thank you!

[zauzat.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, an amazing tightly packed set of insights into her self-created predicament. Beautifully put. I loved these lines particularly:

To the Met, her actions hadn't represented a defence of Lestrade's interests, but rather a vote of no confidence in his judgment.

it did make her something she'd never before been: a rubbish detective sergeant.

[chamekke.livejournal.com]

Oh my God, this is perfection. It's so easy to write off Sally Donovan's dislike of Sherlock as pure vindictiveness, but I love how some of it is due to her loyalty and empathy for Lestrade. (Even if she wasn't perceptive enough to see those qualities in Lestrade's relationship with Sherlock.)

This is a totally convincing backstory, and it makes my heart ache all the more for Sally and Lestrade alike.

[belphegor1982.livejournal.com]

I'll have to re-watch The Reichenbach Fall to get a clearer impression, but something I did get out of this first viewing (among many other things, including heart-break) was the underlying theme of manipulation - more importantly, people turning out almost willing to be manipulated. DS Sally Donovan is not evil, technically she doesn't do anything more than her job; but her view of Sherlock is (as you beautifully point out) is skewed by his own treatment of Lestrade, the belittling, the casual insults, and by the fact that she doesn't understand Lestrade continuously going back for more. All it took was a little push - a tiny incentive - and she, along with Anderson and lots of others, believed what she wanted to believe for a long time - Sherlock is a fraud, he's a freak, he gets off on violent crimes, etc.

Sounds like Moriarty's been listening to Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This) :P

I love this kind of character pieces. Mostly because, when it's done right (like here), it doesn't provide the reader with answers, or solve problems; it doesn't diminish or gloss over the character's faults, but it doesn't fall into caricature, either; it just gives us a snapshot of what this particular character is feeling and how (s)he's viewing the world at the moment. And Sally Donovan must indeed be feeling pretty lousy after The Reichenbach Fall.

In short, great snippet :o]

[smokiquartz.livejournal.com]

Love it.
Yeah, can't really put it any better than that.
Thank you for a lovely fic.

[syien_island]

Great insight into Sally's side.

[cookiefleck.livejournal.com]

Oh, Sally, Sally, Sally.

She's hard to like, even if some of her rationale is understandable. (Short pause here for a hiss and a boo at your icon, LOL.) I think it's those moments on the show... for example, in RF when she says "unbelieveable" - it's the way she says it - maybe her accent? but it comes off as a snotty retort... not a considered judgment with the People's interests at heart. You did a good, difficult job here of bringing out how her emotions got the better of her, and the dire ramifications.

[mazaher.livejournal.com]

I used to rather like Donovan. I'm not going to forgive her now, but you make me understand her a bit more, and it's a relief.
Thank you

[cuddles-and-jam.livejournal.com]

I *knew* you would write something about Sally in this episode! Thank you for this. I was absolutely squirming during those scenes and I think her second thoughts here are very believable.

[machshefa.livejournal.com]

Yes. THIS.

Her own self-awareness is going to be punishment enough, methinks. Yes, if she'd had actionable proof, going above Lestrade would have made sense. But she was ripe for manipulation, and Moriarty used her and the others well. Such agony.

Powerfully done.

[morganstuart.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much for this. I'm grateful to you.

It means a lot to hear that this feels in-character and believable, and that her reason for resenting Sherlock (seeing only Lestrade being belittled, and not the friendship between Lestrade and Sherlock) makes sense.

I expect it horrifies her that her anger toward Sherlock made her so ripe for manipulation by his enemy - and that this, in turn, led to her unintentional undermining of Lestrade.

I'm so encouraged by your words, and I appreciate them very much! Thank you.

[morganstuart.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you so much! This makes my day. I'm so glad this felt believable and in-character. I really appreciate it!

[morganstuart.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm so glad this worked for you. I find it chilling, how her emotions made her so vulnerable to being manipulated by Moriarty to serve his larger design. I don't envy her as she takes stock of the effects of her actions.

I really appreciate your kind feedback. Thank you, my friend!

[morganstuart.livejournal.com]

Oh, well said! Thank you for this, my friend. I truly appreciate it.